


i've been burning bright for too long

by Ecinue



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Guardians (League of Legends), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Going Home, Homesickness, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Team Feels, man im tired of tagging bruh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28135539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ecinue/pseuds/Ecinue
Summary: Five moments leading up to the duo's return and the one time they actually go home.Tw//mentions of suicide ideation, depression, insanity
Relationships: CaptainPuffy & GeorgeNotFound, Fundy & DreamWasTaken, Niki | Nihachu & Punz, Niki | Nihachu & Tubbo & TommyInnit, Quackity & Karl Jacobs & Sapnap, Time Deo & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF) & Tubbo, Time Deo & im a squid kid, Tommyinnit & Tubbo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 177





	i've been burning bright for too long

**Author's Note:**

> [For Dess.](https://twitter.com/JustDessPlease)
> 
> [For AU Context.](https://ecinue-unicorn.tumblr.com/post/638602366755766272/star-guardian-au-summary)
> 
> Title based on [Burning Bright song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oorajmbSJUM), aka the first Star Guardian music video belonging to League of Legends and Riot Games.  
> 
> 
> Disclaimer: Please be aware that everything I write is fictional and by no means supposed to allude to what should really happen. I have no intention of making these creators uncomfortable and if any of the people mentioned here blatantly state that they are uncomfortable with this, I will immediately remove this work.

**1\. Roof**

"We should've quit."

"We should've but we didn't."

They were just two boys, sitting on the rooftop of an apartment in the realm of Aisling. One of them, the taller, was gazing at the stars, a miniature cow in his lap. The other, the shorter, was leaning against the taller, watching as a bee landed on his finger.

"If we quit, we wouldn't have to keep running," Tommy murmurs. "We wouldn't have to hide from Dream. We could leave Aisling."

"Where would we go?" Tubbo whispers back. "Essempee is destroyed. We only have ourselves to blame for that. Earth is long gone, destroyed, and abandoned. Where would we go? _Home_ _?_ I don't think I can go back to that realm without the others."

"No, not _home_ ," Tommy agrees, running his hand over Henry's coarse fur. "There really aren't many places that we can go, huh."

"Is that part of the price of being a guardian? I didn't read the contract."

"Tubbo, you can't read."

"True."

They sit in silence, taking in the sights of the city below. Aisling is not their realm, is not their _home_ , and will never be a home to them. It is not even a haven for its guardians are none other than Dream's Team. Albeit Dream has been kind enough to allow the L'manberg team to stay within Aisling, both Tommy and Tubbo know that they are not welcome. They are not part of the L'manberg team; they are part of the Sleepy Bois Inc.

They _were_ part of the Sleepy Bois Inc before it all went to ruins.

"Do you think they're still alive?" Tubbo asked quietly. "I can still feel their light."

Tommy barks a laugh, a cold and deprecating laugh full of sorrow. "Yeah, those bitches are definitely alive. The better question should be if they're still _sane_."

Tubbo winces. "Well...that leaves Wilbur out of the question."

They had all seen the ex-leader of the L'manberg team corrupt and fall. They had all seen Technoblade blow the realm of Essempee into nonexistence. They don't want to remember that era of war. An era of a civil war.

"Boys?"

Niki's voice drifts up to them, concerned as ever as she stands on the balcony, looking up at them. "What are you two doing on the roof again?"

"Just thinking." It's usually times like this where Tommy's voice is soft and wistful, his mind traveling down memory lane as he reminisces. "We'll come down soon."

"Be careful," She calls. "Don't let Dream see you guys."

"Okay, Niki," They chorus as she heads back into the apartment.

Sitting in Tommy's lap, Henry moos quietly and Tommy hums in agreement. "I know, Big Man. She works hard for us."

"It's strange to think that even though she's older than us, we've been through so much worse," Tubbo laughs. "She's so much more mature than any of the others, though."

"She's the exceptional woman."

"Definitely."

It's quiet again. That's strange.

"We can go to Hypixel."

Tubbo's eyes flit to Tommy. "Hypixel? That's _home_ , right?"

"It's my last resort home. My friends are there," Tommy smiles, "friends from my time on Earth. You remember the bay, right? Business Bay?"

"Of course I remember," Tubbo grins at the fond memories. "How could I forget?"

"Deo lives there. We can stay with Deo."

"Isn't that intrusion?"

"Maybe, but it's Deo."

"You have a fair point."

They muse over it for a little while longer, the only sounds being the cars in the city below, Spins' buzzing, Henry's mooing, and Fundy's melodic singing drifting up from the apartment.

_(Later that evening, when the moon is high in the sky, when Dream's Team is patrolling, when they should be in hiding, Ranboo heads up to the roof to see the duo slumped against each other, fast asleep. Guardians still require rest albeit it is not always necessary. They were once human, after all. As Ranboo moves to wake the duo, he wonders what they went through to make them seem so exhausted._

_They were roughly his age, physically, but they had been guardians for a much longer time than he has been. To be fair, Ranboo couldn't recall most of his life and didn't remember anything prior to meeting the others of the L'manberg team, but he could tell that the duo had been through some fucked up shit._

_Ranboo sighs and quietly calls for Fundy and Quackity. The elder duo coo and bring the younger members into the apartment._

_As Ranboo glances at the stars, he wonders when Tommy and Tubbo will choose to leave.)_

* * *

**2\. Bridge**

"I used to wonder about how much more relieving it would be to just _die_ permanently."

Tubbo admitted it quietly on a chilly day as the duo stood at the viewing platform of a bridge, gazing out onto the waters. Tommy glances over sharply albeit his eyes are still a little dull. "Back during the months I spent working under Schlatt, after the festival, leading up to the end...everything was so tiring. I just wanted it to stop. It felt worse than fighting off Voidlings."

"...I know how you feel," Tommy murmurs, turning his gaze back towards the waters. "I hated existing at some point. Especially after the end."

"When I was under Schlatt's mentorship, I wondered what I was doing wrong," Tubbo whispers. "I felt like no matter what I did, someone was disappointed in me. It's almost as if somewhere out there, there's a version of me who's still suffering, a version of me who became president. I never wanted to be president."

Tommy listens and pulls Tubbo closer. "Being president was a cursed role. Schlatt and Wilbur both suffered and fell."

"Is it bad that I'm happy that L'manberg's gone?" Tubbo asks. "It was our home and yet I feel so relieved that it's gone."

"L'manberg wasn't home for a very long time, Tubs," Tommy says. "It stopped being home when we started fighting."

They fall quiet and gaze out to the river. Henry nosed his way out of Tommy's pocket, bounding up to rest on Tubbo's head, mooing quietly.

"Big man, what do you think?" Tommy mused, staring at Henry with a fond expression. "What do you think we should do?"

Henry mooed.

"I think he says that we should go to Hypixel."

"How do you know what he says?"

"He's my familiar, Big T, I always know what big man Henry is saying."

"Sure."

"Shut up, bitch boy."

_("They look peaceful."_

_Puffy watches them from a distance, her sheep familiar floating in the air next to her, their matching golden eyes observing the duo with a longing warmth. Jeb bleated and Puffy sighed, running a hand down the sheep's fluffy wool. "I know, I know. I don't want to disturb them though."_

_Jeb bleated again, this time butting their head against Puffy's shoulder. Puffy looked down, shaking her head. "No. I won't stop them if they leave. We both know that they haven't felt at home with our team."_

_She glances at them. "If they leave for another realm, it'll probably be beneficial for them."_

_A glint of blue catches her eye and she glares at George who is nearby. He only holds up his hands in surrender before backing off, quickly disappearing into the shadows. Jeb bleats angrily and Puffy hums her agreement. "Yeah, he's annoying."_

_The sheep's wool changed colors from bright orange to a soft yellow as Puffy gave a mournful laugh._

_"I know, Jeb. They really do look like Wilbur and Schlatt. I know.")_

* * *

**3\. Hill**

"Doesn't this remind you of the bench?" Tubbo murmurs as they watch the sunset from the hill. "If only we didn't destroy that world."

"Well, we didn't destroy it. Wilbur and Techno did."

"Dream too, don't forget."

Tommy hummed in acknowledgment, lying on the ground with his hands behind his head, watching Spins float through the air as Henry chased him. "Yeah. Big D was the catalyst for a lot of it."

"We were too," Tubbo sighs, leaning back on his arms. "We followed Wilbur aimlessly like fools and never questioned his ambitions."

"We couldn't have known."

"We should've known."

"But we didn't."

They come to a silent agreement at that.

"How are we going to explain to Deo?" Tubbo asks. "Surely he doesn't just have spare rooms all the time."

"Deo's not exactly _retired_ , Big T," Tommy huffs, "He's just more of an...observer, let's say. He likes the action but he's stationed at Hypixel for a reason."

"He's on break then."

"...I guess? He's never been the one to travel endlessly as we do. He sticks to Hypixel."

Tubbo ponders for a moment before shrugging. "Huh."

"It's a little weird but Hypixel's a lovely place. I know you haven't been around there much save for that private island that I saved for us but it's pretty fun."

"You've told me about your adventures."

Tommy barks out a laugh as Henry drifts down to rest on Tubbo's head, Spins landing on Henry's back. "Yeah. I met Techno at Hypixel, you know."

"I must've forgotten."

"Your memory sucks, Big T."

"Shut up, Tommy."

_(Dream watched them from a tree, his mask blank as ever. Next to him, Fundy was silent but the fox ears on his head twitched ever-so-slightly every few seconds._

_"Are you going to hold me back from confronting them?" Dream asks quietly._

_"I'll kill if you dare reveal yourself." Fundy's eyes flash with rage for a moment before returning to a blank stare, watching the duo._

_"You won't kill me," Dream sighs. The words 'you can't kill me' go unsaid._

_"Who said I'm killing you?" Fundy turns, golden eyes glowing with exhaustion. "I'll kill George."_

_Dream stiffened and Fundy chuckled, looking away. "I'm just kidding. Niki will have my head if I do that. Although I'm sure Quackity will be delighted to hear that I've killed George if I do."_

_"If you touch a single hair on my team, I'll kill you."_

_Fundy deflates even more. "I know. You don't like me very much. You made that very clear."_

_Dream was silent as Fundy sighed, flashing him a wry smile._

_"They're going to leave soon, you know," Fundy jerked his head towards the young duo._

_"And you?"_

_"Who knows," Fundy shrugs, keeping his secrets close to himself. He had picked that trait up from the man who called himself his 'father-figure'. What a load of bullshit. "I doubt we'll be leaving though. Considering how Essempee is ruined forever, we don't exactly have a realm to protect."_

_"So you'll be staying and putting my realm in more danger."_

_"You invited us to stay."_

_He had a point._

_"...why are you so bitter over that wedding?" Dream sighed, leaning against the tree trunk, watching as Tubbo gathered flowers to make a flower crown. "It wasn't even real."_

_"I thought you would stay." Fundy's words are quiet and his eyes are distant, the golden color dull. "Everyone leaves so I thought maybe you would stay. Selfish as it is, I had hope. In the end, hope gets me nowhere."_

_Dream doesn't know how to respond. Fundy's feelings were valid, so incredibly valid. His mother was gone, the man that was his father was also gone, his 'uncles' and 'friends' were all wary of him, his fiance, fake as it was, also left. He wondered how it felt to be in Fundy's shoes, a place where everyone leaves and he ends up alone._

_It seemed lonely. It seemed scary. ~~It was a reality of Dream's greatest fears; a world where no one stays at his side.~~_

_They stand there for a few more hours, watching as the teenage duo enjoy the sunset. They watch as Niki passes them, laughing brightly as she brings the boys back to her apartment. They watch as the moon rises. For a moment, Dream leans his head against Fundy's shoulder and the latter allows it._

_Then, they part ways.)_

* * *

**4\. Train**

"Tubbo, hurry up!"

"I'm hurrying!"

The two boys dashed through the station, hearing the sound of the train coming closer. The wheels clashed against the rails and Tubbo flinched for a moment, receiving a worried glance from Tommy. "Big T?"

"Sorry," Tubbo winced again as the screeching sound reverberated through the air. "It just...I don't know. I feel...scared."

"It's okay," Tommy whispered, gluing himself to Tubbo's side. "Techno was like that too when he came home sometimes. It probably sounds like swords clashing."

"Yeah...just a little."

They clasp their hands tightly together, waiting for the train.

"Doesn't this remind you of Earth?" Tommy asks quietly, trying to distract Tubbo from the painful memories. "Before it was destroyed, I mean."

"I don't remember much from it," Tubbo admits.

"There was a train from Business Bay to the Antarctic Empire," Tommy reminisces, remembering the battle on the tracks. "We had...a fight? There was a tiny fight. I think I lost."

"Tommy..."

"It's okay, Tubs," Tommy's voice is light. "There was another guardian, so much older than any of us. Pete, I think. His name was Pete? It's been a while."

"What happened to him?"

"He faded. His light burned out. Or, at least that's what Phil told me."

"Oh."

The train pulls up and the duo takes a deep breath before entering the vehicle. A shout behind them has Tommy trying to turn but Tubbo only tugs him deeper into the train. "Don't look."

Tommy blinked owlishly at Tubbo before allowing a childish grin to spread across his face. "Okay, Big T."

The doors close.

_("Don't you dare chase them." Quackity's voice is cold as he glares at Karl and Sapnap. The other two flinch from seeing their ex-fiance as he stuffs his hands into his sweater pockets. "Let them go."_

_"We weren't going to chase them!" Karl protested quickly. "We were just watching them. Dream's been getting antsy-"_

_"I don't care about Dream and what he wants," Quackity spits, the station empty save for the three. It was strange, really, how the moment that the train left with all the passengers and the passengers that exited had left, the station became completely desolate. "Dream could kiss my fat ass for all I care."_

_"Quackity!" Sapnap hissed. "Dream was the one that let you guys stay on Aisling despite it being his home realm!"_

_"Well, maybe, if he hadn't destroyed Essempee, I wouldn't have to be on Aisling in the first place!"_

_"You were part of it!"_

_"Neither of you bothered to ask me what I thought of the whole situation!"_

_His words ring throughout the space and echo as he runs a hand through his hair, shifting his beanie to the side. He looks tired, Sapnap notes, perhaps even more tired than when he was under Schlatt's rule. "Quackity, have you been sleeping?"_

_"I don't have the time to sleep," Quackity snaps. "I've been on the frontlines, something neither of you would know."_

_"Excuse me? I patrol nightly!"_

_"Whatever." The man readjusts his beanie and gives them a withering glare as the next train above arrives, the footsteps nearing the staircase, ready to disturb the silence of the area. "I'm warning you and I'm only warning you once."_

_The doors slammed open._

_"Stay away from my team."_

_The people flooded in and Karl yelped, Sapnap tugging the other next to him so that they didn't get separated in the crowd. When they looked up again, Quackity was gone, not a single trace left of the man to indicate that he had been there._

_His message was received.)_

* * *

**5\. Portal**

"Are we really doing this?"

"What other choice do we have?"

The duo stared at each other, fear dancing in their eyes, determination laced in their limbs, exhaustion lingering in their minds. Spins buzzed loudly, signaling for them to hurry, and Henry tugged on Tommy's sleeve.

"What about the others?" Tommy asked, gesturing unsurely towards the city. "We didn't even tell them anything."

"They'll understand." Tubbo's answer was short, clipped, and shaky. "If they don't then too bad."

Tommy glances at the city again before inhaling and taking Tubbo's hand. "Okay. Let's go."

They streak through the forest and run, Henry and Spins doing their work ahead of them. They reached the portal, the obsidian frame standing in the remnants of an abandoned town. Tommy rested a hand against it, whispering something underneath his breath.

" _Tᔑꖌᒷ ⚍ᓭ ⍑𝙹ᒲᒷ_ "

A yellow portal forms, emitting a soft hue.

"Are you ready to go?" Tubbo asks quietly. "There's no coming back from this."

"Yeah," Tommy sighed. "It's just going to be weird going there without Techno."

"WAIT!"

They swivel around to see Niki dashing towards them, fear and terror in her eyes. Tubbo freezes as Tommy tenses, both of them ready to either flee or fight. She panted, coming to a stop in front of them, Beelloon buzzing nervously next to her. For a moment, Tubbo wondered if Niki would be like Schlatt, pressing ice-cold fingers into his shoulder and ordering for him to stay. For a moment, Tommy wondered if Niki would be like Wilbur, gripping Tommy's wrist in an ice-cold grip and tugging Tommy away from where he wanted to go.

Niki held up a music disc with a green record, flashing the boys a knowing smile. "I believe you two forgot something."

Niki is not Schlatt, Tubbo remembers. Niki is not Wilbur, Tommy realizes. She will not hurt them in the way that their mentors did. She will be there to protect them and she will be the one to brighten the stars even when the Voidlings come. She will not die and she will not corrupt.

"Thanks, Niki." Tommy takes the disc with shaky hands and holds it to his chest for a moment, taking in the fact that it's actually _here_ before hiding it away in his pack, keeping it safe. "Um...we...we were-"

"I know." She cups his cheek in her hand and smiles although tears are gathering in the corner of her eyes. "I know. You two don't have to say anything."

Tubbo sniffles and wipes his eyes frantically. "We're going to Hypixel, Niki. Will you come to visit?"

"I'll try!" She promises. "Now go along. I'll handle Dream if he asks."

The two boys give her tearful smiles and they share a last hug before they're disappearing into the portal, their familiars trailing after them.

They're going home.

_(Niki watches as the portal fizzles out, tears dripping down her cheeks. Her smile falls and she heaves a sob as she crumples to the ground, Beelloon frantically flying down to comfort her._

_"Here."_

_A handkerchief is suddenly in front of her face and she takes it, wiping her face quickly and looking up to see Punz staring at the obsidian frame with a longing face. "T-Thanks."_

_"They left," Punz notes quietly. He's kind but he's never been one for words outside of his team. "You didn't try to stop them?"_

_"Stop them and let them go through more suffering?" Niki dabs her eyes. 'Why the hell would I do that?"_

_"Dream would."_

_"I'm nothing like him."_

_"Touche."_

_Punz sighs before smiling at her. "Right. I should get going."_

_Niki stands and Punz watches as her battered self stitches itself back together, her steely Atlas self returning. Whatever vulnerability that just happened quickly disappears and Punz watches as Niki gives him a smile. "Thank you for the handkerchief."_

_"You're welcome. Be careful around here. If Dream gets angry, I can't help you there."_

_"I know. Thanks again."_

_They walk back to the city together and Niki shakily exhales before extending her arms. She's never been incredibly close with Punz but a hug couldn't hurt. He blinks at her in confusion for a moment before realizing what she's asking and he's quick to complete the hug._

_"Thanks, Niki."_

_"You're welcome, Punz."_

_They part ways and they both know that they're lucky to have met each other and not the others._

_Punz knows how protective the L'manberg team is of their charges. Fundy's merciless, his time under Schlatt and Wilbur strengthening his ruthlessness. There is no doubt that the other guardian would've taken Punz's head had he seen Niki and Punz together. ~~Eret would've too, had they not left.~~ Quackity is harder to predict, always switching sides like the tides. He's not willing to take his chances with the duck guardian. Puffy's predictable and Punz can probably defeat her, though he must admit that considering Puffy's history for Schlatt, she can be just as much of a wild card as the ram was. ~~Jack had been unpredictable once, once before he left for retirement.~~ Ranboo is no threat but Niki will most definitely hunt him down if he hurts a hair on the boy's head._

_Niki knows that albeit Punz isn't as close to his team as she is with hers, they'll still kill for him. Dream's the highest threat in her entire life and she knows damn well that she can't beat him with strength alone. She's learned her lesson the hard way. George is a gamble; either sitting out or jumping in. She's almost positive she can beat him. Sapnap is dangerous and his movements are like a wildfire, enclosing, trapping, advancing. Karl is a softie, she can kill him if she wants, but there are no good consequences from that. Besides, that would destroy Quackity. ~~Callahan and Alyssa had been a duo before Punz and Karl arrived. They were formidable. They left.~~_

_They both know that they're lucky to have met as Punz and Niki instead of any other guardian. They're alright. They're sane. They'll be okay even when everyone else is not._

_Besides, they've seen worse.)_

* * *

**+1. Home**

The portal to the main settlement of Hypixel swirls, glowing as two young boys stumble out of it, their familiars clinging onto their shoulders. The guardians that are stationed there glance up before returning to their activities, then doing a doubletake when they realize that's _TommyInnit_ and _Tubbo_. Whispers break out as Tommy helps Tubbo to his feet, someone running off to alert the others.

"Home sweet home," Tommy grins wryly as he looks around. "Nothing new at all."

Tubbo only grips Tommy's hand tightly, eyes darting around, wary and cautious. He's never been here before after all. He's only heard stories about this place, this realm that belongs to the guardians and the guardians only, used as a base of retirement and training.

"TommyInnit? What the hell are you doing back here?"

Tommy turns to see a guardian with a missing arm and a squid-themed hoodie standing there, an eyebrow lifted. "Squid Kid?"

"Yo," The guardian greets, grinning. "Welcome back. You staying for good this time?"

"Maybe," Tommy shoots back, standing protectively in front of Tubbo. "You know where Deo is?"

Squid shrugs. "Yeah. Come on. He's probably heard the news already."

The duo follows Squid towards the Skyblock district, passing by the many onlookers and eavesdroppers. "Ignore them. They don't have anything better to do than gossip."

"Does everyone know about...Essempee?" Tommy asks quietly.

Squid glances over but shrugs. "Yeah, kind of. A lot of us know but not all the details. Don't mind them. It'll do you no good to pay attention to them."

They stop at the edge of the Skyblock district and Squid grins. "There he is."

Dashing towards them was Deo, sunglasses barely holding on and one hand on his Santa hat to prevent it from falling off. Behind him, a cat and dog floated, following, ready to greet the duo. Tommy emitted a strangled sob and stumbled forward, meeting Deo halfway and crashing into a hug.

"Deo." Tommy's voice was wrecked and he trembled with sobs. "Deo, Deo, Deo."

"Tommy," Deo whispered, holding his brother close to his chest. "Holy fucking shit you're actually here."

Tubbo and Squid stood there awkwardly at a distance before Squid gently pushed Tubbo forward. "Go on. He's waiting for you."

"Huh?" Tubbo glanced up at Deo to see the older male holding an arm out, welcoming him. The younger boy teared up before rushing forward as well, the three meeting for a hug.

It's okay, everything would be okay. They were _home_ and they had a brother to help them.

_(Above their heads, Deo and Squid exchange a small smile and nod at each other. Squid turned and quickly left. This is not his family and he has no wants of intruding on their private reunion. Instead, he turns the corner and watches as the dog that followed Deo floats up to him. Squid retrieves a book and quill from his pack and quickly drafts a letter, handing it to the dog._

_"Make sure this gets to him," Squid murmurs. The dog barks before returning to Deo's side._

_Squid watches and sighs, heading back to his own island. Deo will take care of the two boys. Squid...he has more important things to worry about._

_Such as continuing his one-armed training.)_

* * *

> _"...when do you know it's all too much?"_
> 
> _\- TommyInnit_

> _"I am in pain but I do not show it; I just smile."_
> 
> _\- Tubbo_

**Author's Note:**

> I've honestly been working on this for so long and I'm surprised I even finished it since I've been suffering from the torturous writer's block again.
> 
> _Dess, I'm sorry it's late but this is technically my Christmas present to you._
> 
> This was one of the drafts for the Techno star guardian fic ([please check it out, I liked writing it](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28172982)) and I decided to make it the prequel/the catalyst/the backstory of the duo leaving.
> 
> Yeah, I made some of the character's OOC (Quackity, Punz, Squid) BUT LOOK, THEY HAVE _POTENTIAL_.
> 
> Srsly though, I hope you all enjoyed! I might take a break from writing for a bit since I have a Minecraft wedding coming up and I am also undergoing writer's block.
> 
> ~~I'll probably post some weird shit on Tumblr explaining more, who knows.~~
> 
>   
>  [Feel free to come to yell at me at @ecinue_unicorn on Twitter!](https://twitter.com/ecinue_unicorn)


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